The Pros and Cons of Freedom
by DivineViolets
Summary: This is a song fic that takes place during Travis' freshman year in college away from the gang. Missing Roscoe and yearning for his friends force Travis to travel back in time into his memories to remember how he had gotten to where he was.


**Disclaimer: I don't own RFR, but by now you should know that. Also if I did own RFR, there's no way that I'd let The-N cancel it. Dumb network. The song isn't mine either. The song is called "No One" by Aly and Aj. I think they own it.  
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**A/N: Ok, I'm back. This is fic takes place during Travis' freshman year in college before going into a flashback to his senior year. This song fic was actually a project that I did for my english class. Yeah, I wrote a fic for an english project. That's how you go about getting an A and having fun at the same time. It's a rare thing. The song I used really fit in well with the theme and I'm really happy with the way it turned out. By the way, all mistakes are entirely my own. My beta has read the chapter, but has been too busy to review it grammar-wise. Still, I though I should post something. So, thanks Tina and Dani for your help in this song fic! Luff, luff! Enjoy!  
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**The Pros and Cons of Freedom  
**

The warm, spring breeze gently entered the room through the open window, filling the air with the scent of flowers. Travis took a deep breath and let it out, feeling instantly better. The spring had always been his favorite time of the year. He loved seeing the flowers and trees come back alive after the freezing cold temperatures of winter. Sitting in front of his computer, Travis' mind drifted farther and farther away from the work he was doing as the spring air slowly continued to invigorate his senses.

Travis knew that if he didn't concentrate now, it was going to be unbelievably hard to focus and get back to work. Sighing, he turned off the computer and focused on the view of Central Park out his window. He hadn't gotten anywhere in the past four hours anyway, so he continued to space out. The scent of the air reminded Travis of the four years he spent in the town of Roscoe in Canada. Even though most of his childhood was spent in London and Hong Kong, Roscoe was the place that he'd always keep in his heart as his true home. He only spent his four years of high school in Roscoe before moving away to New York to attend college. Even after moving to New York, he never forgot Roscoe and the three best friends he left behind.

Whenever Travis began to remember the memories from Roscoe, especially those with Ray, Robbie and Lily, he always needed to be outside. It helped him to recall those precious memories freely. If he were outside, there would not be as many restraints holding him back as there would be in his apartment. Since the computer was already off, Travis just grabbed the keys to his apartment as he walked out, locked the door and headed towards Central Park. As he made his way through the crowded streets, the memories came back one by one. He found himself re-living the best moments of his time in Roscoe as he traveled alongside complete strangers. He no longer felt like he was walking through the heart of New York, but that he was walking through the soccer field of good old Henry Roscoe High with his three best friends.

Suddenly Travis found himself missing everything about Roscoe like the feeling of security it radiated to its residents and the serene effect the place had on his mind. Now, he was completely confused. He left Roscoe in the first place because he felt suffocated in a town that small. But now, being in a huge city like New York, it felt even more suffocating because he was alone. _So, this is the freedom I craved, _he thought. _Well, it's_ _great…just great_.

Finally, Travis reached the edge of Central Park and glanced at his watch. It was four o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, meaning that the park would probably be crowded with runners, rollerbladers, people walking their dogs and their children enjoying the beautiful, warm, spring weather with each other. Deciding to devote the rest of his day to spending time at the park, Travis began to fight to get through the crowd and into its depths. After getting through the initial crowd, Travis looked out into the rest of the park. From what he could see, he knew that there were more people scattered throughout the beautiful landscape. The solitude he sought was definitely not going to be found here. He shoved his hands into his pants pocket and, despite the crowds, continued to walk down the path, desperate to remember the days when he was genuinely happy with everything. Unlike these days, where he was constantly withdrawn and quiet, not happy at all like he used to be. But all he needed was to clear his head, he'd feel happier after that right? _What's wrong with me? This is what I wanted_, he thought, _I wanted this freedom away from everything and everyone I knew. No one told me to leave, but I did anyway. I should be happy. Why aren't I happy?_

**I am moving through the crowd**_**  
Trying to find myself  
Feel like a guitar that's never played  
Will someone strum away?**_

Travis allowed himself to relax a little bit more and the memories of his three best friends and the town he left behind came back even stronger. Memories like all the days hanging out at each other's houses and the nights out watching Lily's band perform in front of a packed Mickey's. Memories like the jokes Ray cracked every two minutes and the pure and obvious determination in Robbie's eyes when he found another aspect of Roscoe High's rules to protest and get changed. All of that plus more came flooding back to his memories. His head was spinning with all of the memories taking over his mind. It was all too much for him to handle.

Then the other memories came pouring in. Travis began to remember the night he decided to leave Roscoe for college. It was one of those nights that you never wanted to remember because everything that had been said. That had been the last straw and the determining factor that led to Travis' decision to attend New York University in the States, instead of going to Canfield University in Toronto with his best friends. He remembered that day so clearly and vividly that it seemed like it had happened only a week ago instead of five months ago. He could even feel the pain and hurt from that night as if it were a fresh wound that had just been re-opened. It hurt Travis just to think about it, but there was no way that he could stop himself and his thoughts from going there. So Travis stopped to buy a cup of coffee from the Starbucks coffee cart and got ready for the familiar heartache that was inevitable whenever he traveled back to that night five months ago.

**_FLASHBACK_**

When he first started applying to these colleges, Travis didn't realize just how much trouble they were. Sitting at his desk with The Flaming Lips playing in the background, he stared at the two acceptance letters that were laid out on the desk right next to each other. The letter on the left was from Canfield University in Toronto and the one on the right was from New York University in the States. It had taken him more than two hours to narrow down his list of 7 acceptance letters to these two. Now, he was stuck. Both Canfield U. and New York U. were great schools and were in his top three. Ray, Lily and Robbie had gotten into Canfield U. as well, but he was the only one out of their group to apply to a college in the States. Getting up from his desk, Travis grabbed his phone off of his nightstand and began to dial Lily's number, tired from trying to decide where to go. The phone rang a couple of times before he heard her familiar voice.

"Hello?"

"Lil? It's me, Travis."

"Oh hey Trav! I was just thinking about you."

"Really? I hope they were good thoughts," he replied, grinning.

"Yeah, for the most part. I just got my acceptance letter from Canfield today and I was wondering if you'd gotten yours yet."

Travis was a little apprehensive in answering her question. He wasn't completely sure if he wanted to tell her and the other guys yet. Then his conscience began to tell him differently. _She's my best friend_, he thought,_ if I can't tell her, who can I tell? She definitely needs to know._

"Travis? Hey Trav, are you there? What's wrong?" she asked with worry in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah I'm here. I'm fine. Really, I am," he replied, trying to sound normal.

Lily was too smart for a trick like that. She saw right through the fake façade and knew that something was wrong. "Ok Trav, what's up? What's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong. I'm completely fine."

"You know, you've always been such a bad liar. I can see it in your eyes and in your voice. I know something is up and I won't leave you alone until you tell me.

Travis decided to give up the charade and to tell her everything. "Ugh…fine Lily. You're right ok? Something is up and it's a BIG something. Well…" At that point, the annoying _"**BEEP**"_ of call waiting interrupted the conversation. Trying to ignore it, he continued, "Like I said, it's a big something. Remember how we all applied to Canfield? Well….." Again, the call waiting interrupted him again. "Lil? Let me answer this other call and then we can talk again. Hang on a sec."

Travis switched lines and reluctantly answered the other call. "Hello?"

"Hey Travis," breathed the person on the other end, "Can we talk? There are some things that need to be cleared up tonight."

"Um…sure Parker, we can talk. Do you want me to come over or do you want to come over here?" Now, this was a surprise. Hearing the words "Can we talk?" from your girlfriend was not something you want to hear on a daily basis. They had been going out for almost four years, but lately, something was different with her.

"We can meet at your house. I'll be there in ten minutes." That was all she said before hanging up on him. There was definitely something wrong with her. Then he realized that Lily was still on the other line and was waiting for him. So he switched back to the other line and finished his conversation with Lily. Ten minutes later, the familiar sound of the doorbell broke into his thoughts. He went to the door and welcomed Parker into his house. She looked wonderful today in a red long-sleeved top and black pants with the cutest yellow ribbon tied around her ponytail. They walked into the family room and took a seat on the oversized white leather couch. Travis was facing her and he decided break the uncomfortable silence. "So Parker, what's going on? What did you need to talk about?" he asked uneasily.

"I don't know how to tell you this Trav, but, I think we need to break up." Parker said very quietly while looking down, as if she did not want to disrupt her surroundings. She slowly glanced up, only to find him sitting there with a dazed look on his face. He was obviously in shock. "Um…maybe I should leave and let you think about this." With that, she began to gather her things and walk to the door.

"Wait," whispered Travis, "Parker, wait!"

She turned around and looked at him. "What?"

"Why?"

There was silence for about a few seconds before Parker spoke. Her voice was so faint, that at first, he didn't know that she was talking. "Because Travis, just because. We've grown apart the last couple of months and we've both changed. You're not the person that went out with freshman year. I feel like you're a completely different person and that I don't know you anymore."

"I don't understand. What's going on?" he asked angrily. He needed answers, and he needed them now.

"See, this is what I mean. I feel like you're never listening to me. Forget it, just forget everything I said." Then she turned to walk away, but paused there instead. Finally, she turned back around and faced Travis. She said one last thing to him before she turned around again. "Well, actually, when you find out exactly who you are and what's going on, let me know ok? For now though, we're over." With that, she walked right out the door and didn't look back.

For hours afterward, the question that Parker threw at him before she left kept echoing in his mind. _Who are you? _

_**And I ask myself  
Who do I wanna be?  
Do I wanna throw away the key?  
And invent a whole me  
And I tell myself  
No One, No One  
Don't wanna be  
No One  
But me…**_

For days and days, Travis could not get Parker's voice out of his head. There was no doubt in his mind that the news about Parker and him would be around the school before he knew it. Suddenly, going to school to see his friends was becoming too hard. Everything just kept reverberating in his mind endlessly; the break-up, the college decision, and his friends. It was all taking over his head. He needed to get it all out, and fast. He needed to get out of this confining town for sure, though.

_**You are moving through the crowd  
Trying to find yourself  
Feel like a guitar left on the shelf  
Will someone take you down?**_

The huge argument with his parents last night hadn't helped to ease this situation either. Everyone was harboring bitter and angry emotions inside and he was not ready to deal with any of it. Basically, Travis had told his parents of the concerns he'd had about going to Canfield U. for college. But, instead of trying to calm and ease those fears and concerns, his parents wanted him to change himself and turn into Canfield's perfect applicant. For as long as he has known, his parents were always so controlling and strict. They always thought that he could be molded into whatever was convenient for them at the time. That had been the last straw for him. He'd always been under their control. Now that he was taking that big step into the college life, his parents thought that they would still be able to control him from there. What Travis' parents failed to understand while they tried to make his mind up for him was that this was now his life. This was **_his_** life, not his parents' life; he was in control and responsible for himself now. They had already lived their own lives, isn't it only fair that he should be able to live his own?

_**And you ask yourself  
Who do I wanna be?  
Do I wanna throw away the key?  
And invent a whole new me  
Gotta tell yourself  
No One, No One  
Don't wanna be  
No One  
But me….**_

Everything was going downhill fast. The argument with his parents and his break-up with Parker just complicated the decision he had to make even further. His emotions were so wound up from everything and he felt emotionally apathetic now. He couldn't make this decision alone, without any input or suggestions from someone. Usually, he'd either approach his father or his mother with something as important and life changing as this decision would prove to be. But since they were already angry and probably hurt, he wasn't going to ask them. They would've probably said to go to Canfield U. anyway. Parker would be of no help and his other friends had no clue that he had to choose between two amazing places that wanted him as a student. It was obvious…he was alone in this decision.

Then, Travis remembered the conversation he was having before Parker called and decided to screw him over. Lily was the only one who could help him decide. She knew exactly who he was as a person and what set him apart from everyone else. Instead of trying to mold him into something he wasn't, like his parents and Parker had tried to do, she celebrated his individuality and his uniqueness. She was one of the only persons who didn't try to change anything about him. He picked up the phone and punched in the familiar numbers of Lily's phone number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lil. It's Travis, and I really need to talk to you. Can you come over? Or can go there?"

"Um…I'll come over there Trav. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. Just get here as soon as possible. Bye."

After hanging up the phone, Travis felt a little bit more at ease. He glanced down at the papers laid out on his desk, the papers that held his future. These papers were his ticket to success, opportunity and most importantly, freedom. Fortunately, Lily was on her way to help him decide on which future held the most promise for him. Finally, the doorbell rang and, in seconds, Lily was in the house and in front of the two acceptance letters.

"I-I don't know what to say Travis. Congratulations? This is terrible? I mean you got into two awesome colleges who are offering you tons of money to pick their school, but you sound so disappointed. I guess the only thing I can ask you is…which one did you pick?"

"I haven't chosen yet. Actually, that's kind of why I needed to talk to you."

" Really? Well, I'm here now. Come on, Trav, talk to me now. What's up?"

"Well, so you know that I have to choose between Canfield and New York U. right? I want you to make the decision for me."

"What! Trav, do you know what you're asking me? I can't do that, I'm sorry. "

"Why not? I mean, you know who I am and you know what sets me apart from everyone else. You know everything that a best friend should know about me. Whose better to choose a future for me than you?"

"Who's better? Who's better? You are the better person to choose. You need to pick your own path and your own future. You're always talking about getting away from your parents and I know that the thing you want most in life is your own freedom. This is your chance; take it. If I make this decision for you, you wouldn't be completely free. You'd still be under my control because it was my decision and not your own. Don't cheat yourself out of this opportunity Trav. You want your freedom? Well, you've got freedom right here for the taking. It all begins with this choice; a choice that only you can make. I can't make it for you, Ray can't, Robbie can't, and not even your parents can make this decision for you. It's all you. That's the only way you can truly achieve the freedom you've been craving— by choosing it."

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room for a few minutes before Travis reached out for Lily. They stayed in each other's embrace for what seemed like hours. Travis was still processing everything that his best friend had said and he realized that all of it was true. His true friend, the only one who knew his deepest and darkest secret, had given him the answer he'd been looking for. He knew that he needed his freedom and Lily had said to take the risk and grab it. Now he was ready to finally be free. He was going away.

_**Your life lays out on the shadows of the wall  
You turn the light on to release it all  
You wonder what it's like not to feel worthless  
So open all the blinds and turn the curtains**_

_**No One, No One  
Don't' wanna be  
No One  
But me…**_

**_END FLASHBACK_**

Hours had passed since Travis had first started his trip back in time. The feelings of longing and missing his friends and Roscoe weren't as strong as they had been earlier in the day. He supposed that the reason he felt more at ease was because of Lily's wisdom that night in his room. She had been completely right about everything she said. She was right about the freedom that he needed to take and the choice having to be his own and no one else's. This was why she was his best friend and that nothing could tear them apart, even the long distance between New York and Toronto.

The time walking in the park made Travis realized that he had been completely wrong about his interpretation of freedom. Freedom is not leaving unsolved problems and precious memories behind, but taking those with you when it's time to move on. Freedom is not about cutting all ties with your past and beginning a new future or even erasing past problems. Freedom is something that everyone needs to experience because freedom is what helps you to become the person that you're meant to be. Freedom is what sets you apart from the crowd.

_**When you're moving through the crowd….  
**_

**A/N:**** So, how did you like it? Good? Awesome? Horrible? Terribly awful? Please leave me a review. Please? Will you? I hope you guys enjoyed this fic. If anyone wants the song from this fic, feel free to email me at the email address on my profile. Just be sure to put something about RFR in the subject. Thanks for reading everyone.**_**  
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